No More Apologies - A Journal Technique To Empower Yourself
Today, I share a simple, yet effective journaling technique, that embraces the power of making lists.
Creating lists can be a powerful technique when it comes to journaling. Recently, I experimented with a particular list that I found to be especially empowering on my journey toward overcoming past trauma. I call it the “Things I No Longer Apologize For” list.
The concept behind it is quite simple yet highly effective. Brainstorm and write down all the aspects or behaviors that you no longer feel the need to apologize for in your life. Allow yourself to be as detailed or concise as you want, and most importantly, allow yourself to feel. Putting all of these thoughts down on paper can be incredibly affirming and empowering, especially if you're anything like me.
There are numerous benefits to creating a "Things I No Longer Apologize For" List, including:
Increasing self-awareness: As you write down the things you no longer apologize for, you can become more aware of your needs, desires, and personal values. This is especially crucial if you come from a background of trauma and abuse. Additionally, it can help you identify potential patterns in behavior or thought that might hold you back, and work through them with your mental health team.
Improving self-esteem: As I previously mentioned, this exercise greatly empowered me. It felt liberating to declare to the world that I was serious about not apologizing for certain things, and this helped me reclaim my power. I felt a sense of increased self-worth and confidence as a result.
Embracing your true self: By embracing yourself fully, you can inform potential future romantic or non-romantic relationships. As you show up as your authentic, true self, you are more likely to be assertive, straightforward, and effective in your day-to-day life."
Conditioned To Put Ourselves Last
As women, we are often conditioned to apologize for our wants, needs, preferences, and dislikes, particularly in our society. However, it is incredibly empowering to reclaim these parts of ourselves and fully embrace who we are. There will always be people who try to tell us that who we are and whom we love is not okay. This journaling exercise is just one step in the path to self-reclamation, but it is a powerful start that you can revisit regularly.
Here are some examples of what I included on my "Things I No Longer Apologize For" list:
I will no longer apologize for being partially deaf. It is not something I can control, and I will not let others make me feel bad for it. If someone wants me to hear what they have to say, they can make sure I can hear it or provide accommodations. I am also not interested in unsolicited suggestions to get a hearing aid unless the person offering is willing to pay for it.
I no longer apologize for my faith. It is a significant part of my life, and it shapes who I am. I cannot separate myself from it, nor do I want to. While I don't necessarily feel the need to share all the details of my beliefs, I am proud of them and will not apologize for them. My faith influences my work, my actions, and my attitude, but that doesn't mean I expect others to believe as I do.
I no longer apologize for my likes and dislikes. For years, I felt pressure to conform and only express myself through interests that were deemed "acceptable.", by my husband and his family. But now, I am no longer willing to hide my passions and preferences. I like Star Trek, both old and new, and enjoy the 80s and 90s music as well as Taylor Swift and 30 Seconds to Mars. I am done pretending to like things that do not bring me joy to appease others.
I no longer apologize for my caffeine addiction and sweet tooth. I know they're not the healthiest habits, but they're my only vices, and I'm okay with that. If others can drink alcohol, I can drink coffee. While others may have a cocktail, I'll happily be the designated driver.
I no longer apologize for my genetic illness. I can't change the fact that I have it, and I won't apologize for it. If I don't feel well, it's not my fault. My illness is a part of me, and those who can't accept it can move along. This may mean to someone, that my needs are not convenient for everyone, or that I am a “burden”, who is “ruining the fun,” but I will not apologize for having needs.
I no longer apologize for the shape of my body. I've given birth to two children and turned 50, and my body has changed accordingly. I won't listen to my ex-husband's hurtful comments anymore. Instead, I've moved on to a happier and healthier life.
I no longer apologize for having my basic needs. Everyone is entitled to healthy food, a safe place to live, education, and human connection. I am no exception. Needing these things does not make me a burden, and I am learning to embrace this truth. By claiming these necessities for myself, I am taking care of my well-being, and that is something to be proud of.
There are items on my list that I did not share here because they are deeply personal, and I imagine yours will be too. But that's a positive thing because the things that make us angry or that others have made us feel bad about can hold us back from expressing ourselves fully and becoming the best version of ourselves. Embracing our true selves and letting go of unnecessary apologies can be an empowering form of journaling.
Here are some journal prompts that may assist you in creating your own “Things I No Longer Apologize For” list:
What are some things that you've been told you should apologize for, even though you don't believe you've done anything wrong? How can you assert your own values and beliefs in those situations, instead of apologizing?
Reflect on your values and priorities. What are some things that you're passionate about, but have been hesitant to express or pursue? How can you embrace those things without feeling like you need to apologize for them?
Think about the relationships in your life. Are there any people who consistently make you feel like you need to apologize for who you are or what you believe? How can you assert your boundaries and values with those people, and stop apologizing for things that don't require an apology?
What are some things that you've been putting off or avoiding because you feel like you need to apologize for them? How can you reframe those things in a more positive, empowering way, and give yourself permission to pursue them without apology?
Think about a time when you apologized for something that you didn't need to. What was the situation, and why did you feel you needed to apologize? How could you reframe that situation in a way that doesn't require an apology?
Remember that journaling is a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. By acknowledging and accepting the parts of ourselves that we've been conditioned to apologize for, we can start to break free from those limiting beliefs and become more authentic. Use these prompts as a starting point to explore and celebrate your true self, without any apologies. Your journal can be a safe space for you to express yourself freely and without judgment. Embrace your uniqueness and let it shine through in all aspects of your life.
This Week’s Poem:
Wide open window
I walk to the wide-open window
not sure what I'm looking for
hoping that whatever it is
will find me
wherever I am
Am I trying too hard
to find that which makes me happy
words dancing upon a page
growing into something
that touches the soul
I surrender to the sounds
from the open window
taking a deep breath in and out
allowing while letting go
of expectation
and there I find peace