Navigating Chaos: Reflections on a Chaotic Week
Exploring strategies for coping with unexpected obstacles
This week has been frustrating in many ways, not because everything went wrong, but because everything was chaotic. Instead of journaling like I normally do, I found myself word-vomiting onto page after page of my journal. But that's okay - sometimes techniques need to be thrown out the window, and you have to embrace the chaos.
This week was special right from the beginning. One of my dogs sprained his little leg; he's a Chihuahua-Blue Heeler mix, so he's a tiny, fragile little thing. He was in so much pain for a little while that it left us all in tears. Thankfully, it was nothing major, just a sprain, and he's back to his normal, fast-paced self. But it took an emotional toll on the entire family.
When I tried to figure out where he hurt himself, I fell in the same spot. Let's put it this way: I wouldn't show off my knees to anyone anytime soon. No shorts for me.
And now we are approaching the end of the month, and it's time to worry about rent and all of the bills. My daughter and I are dealing with the aftermath of financial abuse, which leaves us feeling anxious whenever we have to deal with money. While we are getting better at overcoming this, it's still very hard for me to even look at a bank account statement without experiencing anxiety. This goes beyond just not having a lot of money; it's a real - and sometimes irrational - fear of dealing with any type of finances, just to avoid the deep-seated and harsh turmoil that will stay with me and give me nightmares for days.
Financial abuse is a real issue that leaves debilitating wounds, but thankfully, I am slowly working on overcoming it. It's a work in progress.
To make this week even worse, I broke my laptop. It fell off my desk as I was picking up one of my dogs. Thankfully, we have someone in the family who is amazing with computers, and he was able to fix it for me. However, that meant I wasn't able to use my computer for a few days while he was working on it. Not only was that frustrating, but it also kept me from working on projects that I wanted to work on. Let's face it, smartphones are cool, but they're no replacement for a computer.
However, amidst all of that chaos, I was able to spend at least a little time working on my contemplative journaling practice, which helped me tremendously. And by contemplative journaling, I don't mean just writing a bunch of random thoughts down on paper. I mean taking the time to reflect on passages and thoughts that go much deeper. Currently, I'm working with a lyric from a song called 'Gratitude,' specifically the last part, which reads:
'You're the blessings that exist,
the small things that are bliss,
the gift to realize that everything is a gift.'
Note: When I contemplate a lyric, poem, quote, or whatever strikes me as important, I tend to focus on a snippet of the text at a time. For now, I specifically focused on the first line, of the Chorus that I shared here.
As I wrote about this, specifically focusing on the first line, I realized that I tend to view myself more as a burden than a blessing to those around me. While I won't share all of the details from that writing session, it was both interesting and humbling to discover that I still have a low opinion of myself and my role in the world. I also noticed that I tend to live with a 'not now, but later' mentality, which I recognize is likely due to my experiences with DV. This realization showed me that I have some work to do in this area. While I may appear to be doing fine on the surface, when you dig a little deeper, it's clear that I still have some raw wounds to tend to.
I had planned to write about interstitial journaling this week, but every time I tried to write about it, the words just wouldn't come. It wasn't the subject itself that was the problem; I love this type of journaling, and it has helped me so much. But everything I wrote felt hollow and superficial. That's why I eventually gave up and decided to be honest instead. We all have weeks like this, where chaos reigns and we just have to go with the flow. So I'll try again another time, just not today.
This Week’s Journal Prompts:
If you are also facing a difficult or chaotic time, here are some journaling prompts that might help you along your journey:
What are some things that bring you comfort during stressful times? Write about how you can incorporate these things into your daily routine to help you cope with challenges.
Reflect on a difficult situation you faced this week. What did you learn from it? What could you have done differently? How can you apply what you learned to similar situations in the future?
Write about a time when you overcame a difficult obstacle in your life. What were some strategies or tools that helped you get through it? How can you apply those strategies to your current challenges?
What are some ways you can practice self-care when you're feeling overwhelmed? Write about activities or practices that help you feel more grounded, calm, and centered.
This week’s Haiku
Chaos reigns supreme,
Yet amidst the storm, I find
Peace within myself.
Wishing you all a blessed, and not-so-chaotic week
I hope the chaos level drops for you soon.
I am very new to journaling, and I had a few days this week where I feel I was just hiding from myself writing about inconsequential things. Today I journaled line by line when re reading the daily meditation in my Come in to the Silence book of meditations on the writings of Thomas Merton. I think that got me thinking about and writing about much deeper stuff that I needed to address.